Afternoon tea and reminiscence

During one of the afternoon tea breaks I was interested to watch 'reminiscence' naturally take place. It started with a simple comment by one of the staff members about 'do you remember...' and quickly continued into a general discussion about things from people's childhoods or even earlier adulthood. I watched as they all laughed together and talked about sweets, food, wages, the safety on the streets and many other everyday topics. They made comparisons between their own upbringings and children today and seemed to settle on the idea that their childhood was better. It was fascinating to see all these different people, who sometimes seem to struggle to get conversation going with each other, just open up and share memories. One lady even sang a song her husband used to sing to her and a song in French as everyone else listened and looked thoughtful. It seemed like a happy kind of reminiscing, even though they were remembering poverty.

I could see the confidence building in people as they spoke of subjects they knew well and I began to see more of their individual characters and understand that little bit more where they had come from. These are things that I had read about but it was useful to see this physically happening in front of me to help me actually see the benefits which so clearly arise from this. It was spontaneous and unplanned yet it had managed to create a warm, friendly environment in which everyone's experiences were valued and listened to. The 'Age Exchange' website uses the slogan 'Valuing the past, building for the future.' This was clearly them valuing the past and, I too as I was listening and being invited to share in reliving their memories, was learning to value their pasts. In terms of building for the future, the increase in self-confidence and general well being can contribute to a more positive view of the future. For younger members of society who listen as I did it also builds into our own futures a respect and deeper understanding of the lives our elders have lived.

Whilst this group reminiscing was taking place a lady next to me began to share her own personal memories with me aside from the group. Her memories, however, were mostly ones which seemed to cause her pain and she recalled difficult times such as separation from her parents and poor treatment at the convent she grew up in. It was as if something the rest of the group were talking about had triggered off her memories of the past but they did not fit in with all the relatively happy ones most people were talking about. These memories were of loss in the past yet were still affecting her in the present. For example, the loss of her sisters to whom she was very close because of this upbringing, was causing her pain and loneliness. I felt the need to stop listening to the group discussion so that I could listen with genuine attention to this lady and allow her to express these feelings. We then talked about the people she has in her life at the moment to help her so as not to leave her dwelling on painful memories, whilst still giving her time to reminisce and express these things which were still affecting her life in the present.

All in all this short time in the tea break was an eye-opener for me and helped concrete some of the reading i had done around reminiscence and its benefits for older people in particular. I hope that by looking into this in more detail and staring a more regular, structured time for it, the people involved at the centre will, through it, recapture part of that 'meaningful role'they used to have in scoiety, if it has been lost in the ageing process because of societies views on the elderly as Guttman suggests. (Guttman 1987)